Maybe our worst self-talk is when we say: I should have…I should be…I shouldn’t do…All about what might have been, what the “perfect me” could have done. ”Shoulda, coulda, woulda: our self-criticizing, morally obliging personal vision of the idealized you. Something you nor I nor anyone can ever be.
That self-talk is pure self-destruction: of your self-confidence, of your self-concept, of your self-worth! Stop the should talk; we are who we are…and we’re enough! Anthony Robbins says: When you’re talking like that, thinking like that, you “should” all over yourself! Sounds nasty to me.
Karen Horney called it: The Tyranny of the Should. Being controlled by an idealized image of how you should be. That quest for the impossible perfect—fault-finding, second-guessing, self-limiting—wastes our lives and prevents our pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness. Don’t torture yourself with the impossible. And, certainly, don’t should all over yourself!